Fear immediately entered my body when I was diagnosed with PNH 7 years ago. I felt my body go stiff, in shock, with so many questions swarming through my mind. What would my future look like? What symptoms would I experience? Would my symptoms get worse over time? Could I find a treatment plan that worked for me? It was all so overwhelming.

Fear after a diagnosis is almost inevitable. But I’m a fighter, and I wasn’t going to let fear win. I had to show it who was boss. I always say this fight is mental, physical, and emotional – here’s how I fought those battles.

First, I changed my mindset. As the negative thoughts entered my mind, I created a plan to overcome them and cultivated a more positive outlook on life. I wrote out affirmations and said them out loud every day. I wanted to hear myself say them and really take in what I was promising myself.

As I mumbled the present tense words to myself, I began to feel empowered. And that feeling grew day by day.

I practiced gratitude and wrote down what I was thankful for. I had a journal dedicated to me, listing, “I am thankful for my family, doctors, being alive, being present and having a positive mindset, being able to fight another day,” and so on. After writing my list, I would read it aloud to remind me that even though this moment might be difficult, there are always things going right in my life. Keeping a journal helped me look back on those tough moments and take pride in all that I have accomplished, all that I’ve persevered, and all courage and resiliency I’ve built along the way.

Conquering fear is challenging; sometimes, you just have to feel those feelings. That’s not easy, either. There were days I spent crying in my bed. Days where lonely thoughts continually entered my mind. Days where I didn’t have the energy to fight it off. But I gave myself grace in those moments when I needed to sulk in solitude because I knew it would help me come back stronger. Grace was an important lesson that made it okay to feel my emotions – one that I continue to use today.

Having a care team you trust and can partner with is important for making you feel comfortable and secure. I know it helped me move past my fear. I created a partnership with my doctors that consisted of having an open dialogue, being honest, feeling at ease giving my opinion, and cultivating trust. For the team to work positively, I knew both sides had to be honest, including myself.

Fear can be paralyzing and pull you into a state of negative emotions if you let it. But I showed it that I was in charge, not it, and in doing so, I have gained back hope and optimism about my health and future.